A night..

I cant stop dreaming, and I cant stop staring at the ceiling either. Something makes me smile constantly. It’s not anything in particular, its just.... EvErYtHiNg!I toss. I turn. I go to the loo countless times, even when I don’t really have to go. A song’s playing on my PC. It’s played about 10 times already. It’ll play another ten perhaps. Something about the lyrics keeps me up. Something in them makes me want to dance. Something tells me I need to sleep, because the gods of work will not be pleased about my escapades in the night. They will not feel the understated joy of discovering a new song that takes over your entire being. You’ve traveled already, for hours with the song…. Imagined! Believed! Lived! And yet you know, despite the fact that your mind had managed to wander to the most beautiful places, your reality hasn’t changed. It won’t. And that’s part of the joy.The hands on the clock have been moving tirelessly. Tick tick. Tick tick. The hours have been drifting past. At 11 you thought, you’d be asleep by 12.At mid night you were convinced, you wouldn’t be awake to see the clock arms go past one. Tick tick. You’re still awake. Still smiling. Still in your “Journey of the exquisite landscapes, that may not even exist” And yet, far- far away.Suddenly you realize you are not alone. Your glance meets someone else’s. You’ve been looking at each other for sometime now. Occasionally acknowledging each other’s presence. A mirror after all is hard to ignore. The person in the mirror is just as happy as you are. Just as elated. No one in the world, but the two of you understand this insane joy you feel. Over nothing really, then again…its not really quite the same when happiness comes with a reason. Because then you know you have a reason that’s making your heart race. Something tells you this is not going to last. But joy, that has no reason…has no reason to end. Because nothing in particular stimulated it to begin with. It just “KICKED IN”. And brought with it, a sleepless night. An lasting smile. The flicker of eyelashes that hold in them a world of imagination. And that feeling, is hard to take away.You enjoyed it at first, but now reason steps in. You’re trying to figure what it is about your new discovery that makes the world seem spectacular. What is it about a tune and a few words strung together that make you feel irrational joy. Ecstasy without actually consuming any!I try and write my feelings down. If something’s making me feel this good, I would want to feel this joy everyday. Even if it has no reason. Even if I can’t trace where it all began, I feel I cant definitely make it stop from ending. And in this process, I DESTROY it! Hours of bliss end in a jiffy. My hunger to ‘feel’ this rush, to ‘preserve’ it, becomes the ‘weapon’ that causes its ‘death’. I stop writing, realizing I’m ending the most beautiful thing I’ve felt in days. And then I think to myself…. How happy I was, in the moments that were. And how trying to hold on to something only makes it go away further…. Faster!! I finally fall asleep.I try the same song again the next night. It doesn’t quite have the same effect. I don’t see the arms of the clock working. I don’t meet my faithful companion in the mirror. And I have no way of knowing if he sat there, waiting for me the entire night. I was asleep after all.